Saturday, January 23, 2016

sat am thoughts

Last night my husband and I had a discussion about what does parenting look like once your children are no longer living at home full time.  What does the role look like?  How do you live it?  How do you define it? What more can we offer?  We came to the conclusion we are more like coaches now.  We offer advice when asked.  Making a mental note; they are more likely to ask for advice the less we offer it up front.  This has been a major revelation to me.  You'all might have figured that out already but, it has made a huge difference in my relationship with my daughter.
We are still figuring things out.  For the last 20 years we have been figuring things out on the fly.  Or that is how it seems.  Having twins means that you get one shot at it.  Of course each child merits a difference response because, they are their own person but, you get the toddler years once, the preschool years once, elementary school, highschool and young adult lives once.  Another blogger Karen Copeland wrote about being vulnerable and working through feelings of inadequacies.  I get that.  So many times I think man oh man I botched that up badly.  Even still.  And yet I look back and I am grateful my children still talk to me. So we must have done something right.  

My desire for my children is that move forward in life with skills and knowledge and faith that will get them through the difficult times.  That they have the belief in themselves to rally and pick themselves up when they get knocked down.  Resiliency is key.   Knowing you are not alone in the battle.  Also key.  Asking for help when the going gets tough.  Asking for help is not a weakness.   Prayer and meditation are key.  Self reflection and a mindful life.  

It has taken me 50 years to get to this point.  I am honest with my own challenges and struggles and the struggle is real for me.  It is work.  But, it is a good work.  Hopefully they see that too.

1 comment:

  1. I am learning a lot about letting people, as it were, 'own their own process' and not give advice when none is asked... I can see how this can be super helpful for you with your daughter! God have mercy on us all!