tension

Guys.  I am in such a crazy place.  I am caught in this incredible tension of knowing I need to make some changes - even knowing what specific changes and the fight within me is the strongest it has ever been.   

It is not so much a battle anymore - I am starting to feel like it must be a surrender - a full and total surrender to a new way of living, seeing and believing.   There is a part of me that is holding on to past with such a tight grip.  I am retraining my brain and I am shocked at the resistance I am feeling.  And it is a feeling.  It is also exhausting.  I am committed.  I have just over 2 and half months until the end of the year.  I have all the tools and resources to affect some serious change.